Restoring My Family's Historical Past

A few months ago a friend of mine who writes for She Loves Magazine (Shelovesmagazine) and I were having a reading/writing day in the sun at Sarphatipark. She was looking for inspiration, and I verbally processing like always. I have recently began reading a Trilogy based during the Civil War and it's been stirring up the Abolitionist in me. As I was sharing with her about my new read I mentioned a story that I had only shared with one other soul before her, and now I feel compelled to share it with the rest of the world.

Last year I became very interested in my family heritage. I know thats a hype nowadays and also wanted to jump on the bandwagon. I knew coming from a white family in America that there was the possibility of finding out an ugly truth regarding my ancestors. Slavery. But naively, I assumed because this area is so dear to my heart that my family would be excluded from this horrendous, inhuman act. I think we all would like to believe that. But as most of us know, the truth can sometimes be a gruesome thing to bear.

My ancestors had owned a plantation in the South and it just seemed inevitable. I remember the moment I read the words. I had come across a will, and it was dividing up which "negroes" would go to who once they passed on. You know that feeling when you're woken up to a foreign noise in the middle of the night and that instant fear runs through your veins? That's exactly what it felt like. My stomach knotted and I just felt so ashamed, so embarrassed. I didn't want anyone to know. How could my family be apart of something that was so evil? I kept it hidden for several days just internalizing it. Then, I just needed to share it with someone and my colleague/roommate walked in the room. What she said in response gave me the first hope since reading the news.

"But the work you're doing now [as an abolitionist] is restoring the wrongs your ancestors had done in the past." 

Whoa. Talk about redemption. I instantly remembered one of my favorite passages in scripture: Isaiah 58. If you're passionate about justice, you love this chapter. Verse 12 stood out to me in that moment:

"You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;

And you shall be called the repairer of the breach,

the restorer of streets to dwell in."

It's not about what your family has done in the past. Yes, we suffer from their choices even choices made from many generations back. But the beautiful part of this story is that we can be the ones to change it for the generations that come after us. Let us not look to the past wrongs that have been done, but to the here and now, to the future that will affect us, those around us and our children's children. God loves to restore. His entire plan was based around redemption. And He also desires to use us to redeem the shadows of our past; both from the wrongs we've done, and the wrongs done by our ancestors.

A Tweak in Perception

"Have you ever been in prostitution or committed 'any other criminal offenses?'"

Last night my eyes were opened more to the place I call "home." The place my understanding and perception to the rest of the world was birthed. On the day we celebrate our freedom, our liberation. Now, I don't mean to sound like a typical cliche pessimist, but though we may live in a "physically free" country, there are still so many people mentally trapped with a very slim understanding of freedom for others within our country.

I was helping someone apply for a tourist visa and it started to ask some intense questions, which is understandable. But the way they were presented just irked me some. "Do you plan to work in prostitution while you are here? Have you ever been in prostitution or  committed 'any other criminal offenses?'" Then, the next questions rolled right into "Have you ever trafficked or been involved with trafficking a human?" and then several more regarding human trafficking.

It was as if the two subjects were so separate, as if they didn't collide. So then, hypothetically, if a girl had been trafficked and forced to work as a prostitute she still would have to check that box (alongside "any other criminal offenses") to remain honest. But the black and white answers just unsettled me. How can one come to the "land of the free" when her past choices (whether forced or not) still hover over her? Did Jesus not say that "if the Son makes you free, you are free indeed?" (John 8:36) If Christ makes man/woman free then should we not also see them as free? See them as a "new creation?"

My heart is not just with the injustices of human trafficking but also loving those that people (and whether we like to admit it or not, the church) tend to have a hard time loving. When you're driving and see a lady in a short skirt and high heels walking down say El Cajon blvd. (for those San Diegians), do you think to yourself "oh look, there is a prostitute" or do you think "I wonder what has happened in her life to get her to this place, is she is here by her own choice or is she controlled by someone else exploiting her for gain?" When we hear "I am a victim of human trafficking" our hearts go out to them, but when one says "I'm working as a prostitute" our judgment eyes suddenly go up. Whether we like to admit it or not. Even if it takes a split second to realize this and take them down, naturally we judge them first. I urge you my friends, to work at changing your perspective. To not separate "prostitute" and "human trafficking" so quickly, but to think that the two just might overlap. Now I want to state, of course, that some women do choose this job, but it's usually after having some intense journey that has brought them to that choice.

A major difference living in Amsterdam compared to San Diego is the culture does not quickly judge a woman if she is working in prostitution since it is legal here. Not that I stand for legalized prostitution, but I do see the distinctions in the Dutch perceptions vs. the American. The Dutch police and investigators look past the fact that s/he is working in prostitution and goes straight to the investigation of if s/he is being exploited or not. The sex industry world is so completely gray and we cannot expect black and white answers. I have been feeling slightly uncertain about moving back to America but yesterday, ironically on our Independence Day, I gained a new eagerness to go back with this different perception of the matter and share it with others. I long for the church to naturally love the easily judged. And for the law enforcement to not automatically think that a women is prostituting herself so willingly but to look deeper within the gray areas, in between the lines.