Letting go

I always feel like I need to come up with something very profound to update my blog with. Or I just tell myself no one really reads this so just update later. But I realized I don't need to write anything intense nor do I need people to read what I write, I just need to get more into the practice of expressing my life and thoughts here in Amsterdam or where I am living at the moment, which is by the way, in a new apartment in the Red Light District with 2 amazing ladies =)

God is definitely doing a lot of work around me, although my incompetent eyes cannot see this most of the time. But I know in my heart and soul that glorious work is being done. There have been a lot of revelations that I've received. The kind that are right there in front of you for a while and when you finally realize them they bring tears to your eyes. One of these big "ah ha" moments was when I finally realized I didn't have to work hard at making what God called me to do here come to pass. I mean; God the one who called me to Amsterdam, He is the one who told me what He had planned for me here, so why was I striving to perfect that plan He already had drawn the blue prints up for? It doesn't make any sense, yet I was working so hard to see this calling through. A few months ago I was having such a sweet Skype talk with my dad and I told him how I felt like I was doing nothing towards my goal here, that I felt I needed to be teaching prostitues how to do hair and because I wasn't doing that I felt so worthless. He just simply stated "Katy maybe teaching the ladies how to do hair is just the cherry on top, maybe it won't be your main ministry there but just a small part." That kind of shook me a bit but lead me to the realization that the one thing God called me to do here was "to pioneer a Tamar Center in Amsterdam." When He told me this (in 2008) the ministry I am now working with wouldn't have even been close to pioneering such a thing, but God knew. These last couple weeks we have been meeting and praying as a Lighthouse Team for vision and how to move forward in that vision. Last week it hit me. The Tamar Center is a place "offering hope, healing and a new life to the bar girls in Pattaya, Thailand." So basically what God called me to do here is pioneer a place that offeres hope, healing and a new life to broken women in Amsterdam. Here I was striving for the last 7 months especially on how to achieve this goal, yet God just showed me that is exactly what we are doing now. Me and my team of 6 others are in the "pioneering-transition" stage of building up The Lighthouse; a place that longs to see these broken women healed and set free. All this time I knew thats what we are doing yet, embarrassingly enough I never compared the two. What a weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. It wasn't that God was telling me that that was what I had to do, it was as if He was prophesying it over my life. Anything else that happens here will just be an added bonus. Which leads me to my next topic.

My wonderful friend Saskia and I met last year during Shine. She pioneered/worked as the director of Not For Sale in South Africa for 3 years prior. When I began talking to her my soul started to leap, I knew we would have a connected future. Last night we cut each other's hair (oh did I mention she is also a hairdresser?) and then went out to dinner. We talk for hours about our hearts and desires for Amsterdam and they are so simultaneous. She is a half YWAM-er half NFS-er which is just perfect. She really longs to just see Jesus transform the lost and broken here and simply wants to be apart of that. We both know that God is doing work and is about to pour out some amazing blessing and restoration here, and we're stoked for it to come to pass. She suggested we get together this week and just pray and ask God what He wants us, as individuals, to do and how He wants us to do it. Then act on that. No holding back anymore, but really just begin to take that step of faith and watch what God will do. As you can probably tell, I am really excited. I know I am a hairdresser, and I know God loves to work in our natural giftings, so I look forward to seeing how He will do the things He longs to do.

Whenever I have been praying about things happening here I keep getting a picture... and maybe it can help you to understand that we (usually as Americans) think "this is what I am going to do, I will move out there and it will all fall into place and everything will be great and everything will start working immediately." Missions is NEVER like that, especially pioneering a ministry. Expect God to do great things but don't expect it to all happen smoothly or quickly, it is a slow and patient-teaching process. The picture I have is of a roller coaster; you start to climb uphill very slowly, bit by bit. Then finally after the ascent, you drop down the slope extremely fast and you can't slow down. I really feel like that will be a image of my time here. Right now I am climbing up, and I truly feel like I am getting very close to the top, then once I am finally there it is a fast ride down. I look forward to it, and I am thankful God is preparing me now as I slowly inch my way to the top.

Prayer:

-There is a true "Spirit of busyness" here and I am feeling it like no other, please pray it calms down some. And when I mean busy, its mostly things not having to do with the ministry but just added on to the everyday life, it just keeps coming in wave after wave.

-My mom comes out to visit in a week, pray for safe travels, and also that her time here would be super slow so it would be like a month and not a short week =)

-For me to continue with a joyful heart, learning patience and balance is not coming very easy to me.

-God has been providing everything I have needed, whether it means having $3 left in my account for the rest of the month, or getting a bill a month or two later than I should or just having to wait longer for things like furniture for my room it all works out. Maybe not in anyway I had planned but He really is taking care of me. I am not sure if its good to be soo dependent on Him and be content with what He has given me or to also ask for people to pray and see if God puts it on your heart to provide for me as I am here in Amsterdam. So I will leave it at both. God is meeting my needs but there is not quite flexibility to soar here yet.

Expectations

I realized how stressed I have been feeling with so many expectations over my head. and yes I am very aware of the fact that I placed them there.
5 years ago I came to Amsterdam for the first time to do a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with YWAM. I fell in love with the city but more than that I knew I would be calling it home one day too. A year later while working in a salon to save up money for Bible College I heard the Lord tell me to "pioneer a Tamar Center in Amsterdam" [ www.tamarcenter.org/ ] When I heard this I became excited, I knew that they were a ministry in Thailand that teaches ladies coming out of prostitution new careers, one of them being hair. I thought that was my calling, that's it. I am moving to Amsterdam very soon and will live there the rest of my life and teach all these girls how to do hair. Well, obviously I jumped the gun a wee bit early.
After my first semester of Bible College at Calvary Chapel Murrieta, I downloaded the application to volunteer with the Tamar Center. I figured I would go work with them a while then head off to Amsterdam. But God told me to not only finish Bible College but to finish well (something that was incredible to remember as my time in Bible College came to an end but thats a different story). So I continued with that and completed it in Spring 2010. In Fall of that year I volunteered at the Coffee House in Murrieta at the Bible College for a semester. Within a week of being there I was awoken very early one morning with the notion that God wanted to speak to me. I made some coffee and went out on my beautiful balcony that overlooked all of Temecula and prayed as the sun came up. God told me three things; go to Amsterdam, go in January and work with The Lighthouse. Also, two weeks later, during my devotions He told me out of the blue that Amsterdam would be my "starting place" that I would begin there but come back to America after a few years. I obeyed and as the semester came to an end I was ready to go.
January 28th 2011 I was on a plane back to Amsterdam after being away for 4 years. I decided to stay on a 3 month visa and come back to San Diego to work over the summer and be home for two of my best friends' weddings and see my nephew, Ethan come into the world. But those 3 months were life changing. I was appart of our 6 week seminar called Shine (the global sex trade and a Christian response) and it totally rocked my world. My eyes were opened to so many things, from the fact that we are not here to "rescue" the girls but to empower them, to prophetic words spoken/prayed over each of us. God clarified a few things with me that day, that God was definitely appart of my dream here and that He would provide people and funds to see this through, that this was in fact my starting place and I would be here a few years then go back to America to do other things, like teach, train, advocate, inform, lead, work with legislation, ect. But first to be focused here.
December 1st 2011 I was back on a plane with a one way ticket this time. I half expected to take things slow, half expected to see a huge thunder and lightning change right away. Naturally, since God loves to work organically, things have been slow right now. It's been 6 months since I have moved here. In those 6 months I have applied for a visa, moved 3 times, applied for insurance, opened a Dutch bank account, registered with the city, and staffed our second Shine. Although I have been extremely busy I had not put into consideration that moving takes so much time and money, especially when you move to another country where all your official paperwork is in Dutch and takes time and is done a completely different way than your used to and the currency is more expensive that your currency back home. So money given to you is automatically cut by 30%. I have had to trust God for EVERYTHING, literally everything. and it's not easy or fun most of the time. I have been ridiculously busy, been behind on many things and all this while also being a full time staff member for Shine, which means your busy ALL THE TIME. God has done some incredible things but I can't take any credit for anything. I am in awe of Him all the time. During this season of Shine I was prayed over again, and was told again some things God has  in store for me. Through that time I learned an extremely valuable lesson; when God tells you something don't try to interpret it. I thought things would be so different that they are now, but instead of being discouraged by it I have decided to "ride out the wave." To let God do as He pleases and not be discouraged when He doesn't do things the way I had anticipated. Yes I want to teach prostitutes how to do hair, yes I want to start some form of business or ministry here, yes I want to see it all happen by the end of the year. But all these things need to happen in God's timing, not mine, and done the way He wants, not the way I want to do them. So I am officially letting go. "A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." I will keep these plans of mine close to my heart but not expect things to come out the exact way I want. To let God have His beautiful, perfect, unfathomable way with my life. I will continue to be in Amsterdam until God calls me back to San Diego (which I feel will be in the not so far future) and just walk where He leads, no expectation as to how everything will go. I am excited to see what He does.

Train to Germany, Plane to Latvia

We head out for our last week of lectures/outreach in Riga, Latvia. Should be a great week with great friends and an amazing speaker. I'll have a good picture post when I get back to Amsterdam.

Pray for us
Pray for safe travels, and SMOOTH travels
Pray for open us to have open eyes, and others to have open hearts

Shine has begun

Oh my goodness, these last weeks have been so busy yet SO good. We started our 6 week seminar on the global sex trade and a Christian response. So far we've had some great speakers but the information is definitely quite heavy. A lot of the students are having a difficult time learning how to process these things. Keep them and us in prayer please. Next week we have an amazing woman speaking on Biblical Justice so that should be encouraging. We have a good group of people here eager to learn, I'm enjoying getting to know them.

We have an outreach/teaching in Latvia in a few weeks, so please pray for that, we are hoping to get a really great deal on tickets tomorrow. I know I don't know where exactly the money will come in, but I know that if I'm to go, I'll go.

I am really enjoying the beauty of this city. Yes there is a heaviness of sin, but God is a restorer. I am looking forward to being apart of this restoration in the future.

a photo of our staff and students!

I am so embarrassed

I can't believe I let 2 months go by without updating this blog! These last 2 months have been busy but so sweet. We (my small team) have been preparing for (and just begun) our 6 week seminar called Shine. Its about the global sex trade and a Christian response to it. 6 weeks of several amazing speakings imparting to us their wisdom and experience. 5 weeks held here in the Red Light District of Amsterdam and 1 week in Riga, Latvia with our sister ministry, Freedom 61. Last year Shine opened my eyes and truly changed and shaped me into the woman I needed to become to take the next few steps in this ministry, so naturally I am SOO excited to see what the Lord does with our amazing students.

God is so sweet and gentle. He truly has been providing my needs. As a little girl I remember my dad teaching me the differences of needs and wants. I've sacrificially given up most of my wants yet I haven't really been in want since doing so. Being here away from family and friends, in a whole new country, with so many different languages, only having the money God gives me... its quite hard for some one who isn't spontaneous, who loves all her ducks to be in a row, and loves to have everything organized and planned and be on top of her game. But God is showing Himself powerful through my inadequacy.

Last week my team and I listened to a message from Benjamin Nolot, the founder of Exodus Cry. It was amazing, he spoke about Moses, the first abolitionist, and how God brought Moses into the desert for 40 years to humble him if you will. Moses was inadequate and thats where God needed him to be to work through Him. I am nothing, but God is huge and nothing is impossible with Him. Whatever calling He has for me here He will make sure it comes to pass, all I am doing is saying "yes".

 Prayer
-Students as they encounter some heavy issues during Shine
-Us, the staff to be well rested and well prepared
-To be thinking ahead, after Shine is complete the Lighthouse staff will have a few weeks of praying and fasting to decide what ministries He wants to start with The Lighthouse. I am excited to see what He says about the ministry I came here to pioneer.

O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go

Being away from home without a purpose makes for much discouragement. However, in this last few weeks I feel like my purpose for moving here is finally beginning to show in my work. It makes me feel more at peace, like I am not doing something simply because I am supposed to but because I am called to. I am now feeling that there is reason and evidence behind my actions and that leads me to feel as if I belong here. Doors have been opening, but before I get to that I want to talk about my first Christmas and New Years away from home.

Christmas was simply amazing. I had brunch with my good New Zealand friends, Jasmine and Rick Smith, who I met at my beautifully intimate new Church. And when I say brunch I mean homemade delicious eggs benedict and homemade mulled wine.

I relaxed and enjoyed the fellowship until dinnertime where I moved onto my next course and family, The Freylings. Desi and Lisa are from Canada and I work with them in The Lighthouse. They have two beautiful kids who are full of life, Shayla (4) and Nicolai (2). Desi is a fantastic cook and made a complete "North American dinner." It was truly the best I have ever had. We then watched my favorite Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life" with Nico and Shayla on my lap, it was perfect.

When I got home I skyped with my parents, brother, sister in law, two nieces and nephew back home. They were opening up presents and I was so thankful I got to be apart of that via Skype.

For New Years my Dutch friend, Lysette, was in town from Latvia (she moved there to work with prostitutes, human trafficking and prevention.) We support each other in our ministries and have a great connection. She came to Amsterdam were we got dinner on the Zeedik and drinks at a really rustic, chill cafe. Then made our way to Dam Square where thousands of others from all over the world joined together in lighting fireworks and fellowship. Fireworks are legal here so my "fireworks should be illegal view" was slightly stressed as they were going off all hours of the night in every nook and cranny of the city. But I was glad I got to experience my first Dutch New Years.

In between Christmas and New Years I, and a small team from the base, set out to Germany to take part in a huge European Missions Conference. It was quite the experience. Sleeping on a mat in a huge hall with about a thousand other girls, representing Amsterdam to everyone we spoke to, and my favorite part; speaking to about 150 people about Human Trafficking. Within the conference they had "workshops" you could do everyday. One of them was on human trafficking. Me and two others who are staffing Shine were looking forward to attending this class. But the night before we were asked by the girl who was putting together all the Seminars if we knew anyone who has knowledge on human trafficking and could conduct the class because the original teacher was sick and could not make it. We met together and had an outline within an hour about what to speak and how to present it. It was amazing! We went there to promote Shine and God brought 150 people (out of 2600) that were interested in this topic. We got to educate and connect people. It was so incredible, truly nothing we did on our own but through God.

When January started it was Shine full force. We have been working together to really make this seminar incredible. For those who don't know, Shine is a 6 week seminar held in Amsterdam based on "the global sex trade and a Christian response." Its for those who have a heart to work in this type of ministry, we provide education and practical application. It truly changed my life and I look forward to seeing others changed by it too.

The last update I want to add is I met with Toos Heemskerk yesterday. She was the director of The Scarlet Cord, a ministry that not only visits the ladies in the windows but offers professional help in counseling, training and leaving prostitution, for 15 years. She is now the director of Not For Sale Amsterdam. Not only have I wanted to work next to her but also partner with NFS. She is renting our building and doing the work out of The Lighthouse. I explained to her my idea for a hairdressing project and she was on board. She thought it was a great idea with actual potential and we talked about partnering up together to support one another. 

I realized that I am here in Amsterdam for a greater purpose than I could ever imagine and God is going to bring the right people, the right connections, and the funds to truly make the Red Light District of Amsterdam a renewed place. I am so excited that He asked me to be apart of it.

Inspiration when we need it

Today I read James 4:17 "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin." and was severely convicted. I even spoke on this section of James for my PDS final my 3rd semester. What truth to read now. These last several weeks I have been slightly depressed with the thought of leaving everything behind to follow Christ's calling in my life. I kept thinking "I am just holding onto this hope that what God has for me out here is huge and I wanna be apart of it." It helps me to live every day a little bit easier. However, what James is saying here is if you know without a doubt what you are supposed to do and don't do it, then you are sinning. Yes SINNING. If I chose to leave Amsterdam and go home now, it wouldn't be a small "oh I tried and wasn't strong enough to succeed story" it would be a "God gave me this life because He knows that through Him I can handle it, even when the 'going get tough' He is with me and it would be a complete SIN to leave this behind." What a sobering message.

Today I also watched the movie Soul Surfer. I knew that I would one, cry, and two, be so inspired to conquer the world after watching it. I was right. I don't want to just skim by this life never giving my complete all. That would simply be a sin and just completely foolish. Yes, the life I have here in Amsterdam may be sacrificial in some ways but its nothing compared to the opportunities that will arise, or the lives God wants to save, or the love that I can spread through Jesus.

God, I think I am now ready to receive your plans here in Amsterdam, please use me, I'm fully yours and fully open.

Time to get to work.