The Recollection of [Missing] Thoughts

Over the past few months I have been mentally preparing myself for one of the greatest life changes I will have yet;

No longer calling Amsterdam my home.

For a while I was in denial because how could my life be moved so greatly by one city? Why am I having such a difficult time saying goodbye to the people, culture and architecture that I have only lived in for a short season?

I realized a lot of this had to do with the mental planning of coming here. Just about all my adult life has been focused on moving to Amsterdam. So although I have only lived in Amsterdam for a few years it seems more like 8.

God spoke very clearly that I was to come to Amsterdam when I was 19 years old. He then spoke again saying that I would come back to [help] pioneer a ministry [The Lighthouse]. What I had interpreted through this was I would come to Amsterdam for the rest of my life. It didn't occur to me that the word "pioneer" usually refers to beginning, yet not always remaining. Shortly before I made the official move to this city God spoke again. 

"My time in Amsterdam would be shorter than I expected."

That took me off guard.

However, throughout my time here this is the reoccurring set of words that people have received from God and spoken to me.

I know I have to trust God, even if it threw my organized-planning brain for a loop.

Earlier this year I prayed about my next steps. If I should continue in Amsterdam for another couple of years or end my commitment in December. His words were clear: it was time to start phasing out.

It's quite interesting how many people have stated that The Lighthouse seems to finally be out of "that pioneering stage." The timing really does seem right.

It's a unwise when you "overstay your welcome" and I feel like I would be doing that if I continued here. It's not like it would be the worst thing to do, but it just, for reasons I can't fully explain, wouldn't be the best.

Beyond saying goodbye to my season in Amsterdam I know there is a new and beautiful season beginning to bloom back in America.

The second part of what God has been saying not only to myself but to many others [even to people I hardly know] is that my work will not end once I leave Amsterdam. But it will continue, and multiply.

Many people ask me what my next steps are, and to be honest I haven't the faintest idea. I think God is doing that on purpose. Right now all I can foresee doing is taking some time of rest and reflecting on what I have learned here. This season has definitely been a time of growing and learning and I believe I need to mull over the last few years first before moving into my next direction. Once I feel ready, I will start seeking the next steps God has for me. I have a few desires, however I am not sure which to begin with.

To end my time here well, I have been thinking of what I will miss the most. And to welcome myself back to San Diego I've been remembering all the comforts that await me. So here is a little list I have compiled:

Amsterdam

1. Biking everywhere

Whether you are the one pedaling or on the back on someone else's you really won't get this sort of atmosphere anywhere else. Although I have a few scars from some accidents, I got right back up and kept going. I am quite proud that I have biked in extreme wind, hail, snow, rain and of course beautiful sunshine. I'm also pleased that I can move a great deal of stuff on my bike, seriously like things that would take up your entire trunk. These last few weeks I have been biking slowly through the city to take it all in. The architecture and surroundings are truly breathtaking. I am so glad that I got a bike tattoo to help me remember my beautiful time in Amsterdam.

2. Friends

This is kind of a given. But truly I am so blessed to have gained some incredible friends here. Ones that challenge me, encourage me and teach me. In Dutch culture it takes a while to really become true friends with someone, but once you are, they are loyal friends for life. I gained the beauty of learning how to invest in people and seeing the results. I plan to forever carry these friendships with me.

3. A50

Although my brain was half dead most weekends I love my church family here. They showed me what it was like to be in a community, even when my broken self couldn't give back that much. They were a small family and not only had a love for theology but also for humor. I don't think I have laughed as much with any other group than them. 

4. Shine Seminar

I am so grateful for YWAM for entrusting my young self to lead a 6 week seminar on the global sex trade and how we as Christians can respond. It was a lot of hard work, but I am very pleased with the outcome. And want to see more in the future.

5. Coffee

I can walk 2 minutes and be in at least 4 nice cafes [note: coffee shops are places you smoke weed, cafes are places to get coffee in Holland] so to get coffee I go to cafes. Most are so "gezellig" as we say, which is more than cozy, they are warm and inviting. And the coffee is small, simple and usually pretty good [depending on where you go]. Literally though, its about half the proportion of Starbuck's Short or Tall sizes and thats all you need.

6. The Lindy Hop Scene

My favorite part of the dancers here is they are always taking classes and practicing. You see their love and passion all the time. The scene may be a little smaller but it's made up of excellent, energetic dancers. It's a great group and community. I will definitely plan my trips back to Amsterdam around Smokey Feet or Lindy Swop.

7. Intellectual Conversations with Different Perspectives

Especially with Saskia. But with a few others as well. I have a lot of friends from all over the world, but never have I been in one place for a given amount of time with so many different surrounding cultures and views. I've heard perspectives of human trafficking, prostitution, the Church, ministry, family life, politics and more from many different points of view. It has been quite challenging as you realize your world and everything you knew and grew up with is being shaken. But when you take a step back and realize just how vast our world is, and how artistic and philosophical the people are, you begin to see the beauty. A lot of times, when Americans come to visit I hear "why do they do that, it's so weird!" But in fact they are looking at us as being the strange ones. You learn quickly, with so many different cultures around, that you really can't agree on everything, and that's ok! I used to think of myself as one who saw different sides of situations but my ability to do that has strengthened greatly because of the wonderful people I have been surrounded by and their beautiful different mindsets.

San Diego

1. Mexican Food and Cheap Sushi

Yes. These are my priorities. But seriously, you get deprived of spicy food here and sushi is so expensive it's a rare treat. But I did learn to make it myself which will also come in handy! 

2. Driving Howard [My first Car; a 72 Dodge Dart Swinger] 

Some days you just need to go for a drive with the windows down, and depending on the weather, heat up. Although I can do much on a bike, I have a lot more freedom with a car and calming drives are converting to me.

3. Thrift Stores

And with my car I can drive to awesome thrift shops with 20 dollars in my pocket and find so many hidden treasures. This is somewhat therapeutic. I love going alone with even 5 or 10 dollars and spending hours just going through second hand items to find the ones that you love. I cannot justify spending a lot of money on clothes, so this is my happy balance.

4. Friends and Family

Although a lot of my friends live all over, my two best friends live in San Diego or at least on the outskirts. Still it's much closer than Amsterdam is and I look forward to spending time with them and their families. Also pretty much all my family lives in San Diego or California so it will be nice to be around them again. And I can give thousands of kisses to my nieces and nephew who are growing up way too fast.

5. My Family's Cabin in Idyllwild

I have never been in such a beautiful and peaceful place. It is so calm with pine trees everywhere, I almost forget how much I love the forest and nature until I'm surrounded by it all. I expect to spend a lot more time there, just resting, praying and enjoying life. 

6. Language

I realize how friendly I am to strangers, but here I feel almost like it's a slap in the face if I speak only in English, even though Amsterdam is quite diverse and the majority of people don't mind it. But when I can, I try to speak in Netherlands while out. My Dutch is not great but I like to practice when I can, and that leaves me only being able to say a few small statements. Back home I can freely ask how the grocery clerk's day is going or where people are going on the train and I miss that side me. It comes out occasionally here but not enough.

7. Sunshine

Need I say more? I grew up loving cold rainy days because we always got clear sunny ones. But when you have the wet cold days more than the sunny, and have to bike in them, you start to miss the perfect San Diego weather. So yes, I will bask in the sun with a much more joyful heart from now on.

She Loves Magazine

Last  week I had the honor of writing an article for one of the most amazing  Online Magazines called She Loves Magazine. Here is the link to read it:

http://shelovesmagazine.com/2013/shades-gray/

It's a rewrite of an entry I posted a few back but it better, edited words :)

Restoring My Family's Historical Past

A few months ago a friend of mine who writes for She Loves Magazine (Shelovesmagazine) and I were having a reading/writing day in the sun at Sarphatipark. She was looking for inspiration, and I verbally processing like always. I have recently began reading a Trilogy based during the Civil War and it's been stirring up the Abolitionist in me. As I was sharing with her about my new read I mentioned a story that I had only shared with one other soul before her, and now I feel compelled to share it with the rest of the world.

Last year I became very interested in my family heritage. I know thats a hype nowadays and also wanted to jump on the bandwagon. I knew coming from a white family in America that there was the possibility of finding out an ugly truth regarding my ancestors. Slavery. But naively, I assumed because this area is so dear to my heart that my family would be excluded from this horrendous, inhuman act. I think we all would like to believe that. But as most of us know, the truth can sometimes be a gruesome thing to bear.

My ancestors had owned a plantation in the South and it just seemed inevitable. I remember the moment I read the words. I had come across a will, and it was dividing up which "negroes" would go to who once they passed on. You know that feeling when you're woken up to a foreign noise in the middle of the night and that instant fear runs through your veins? That's exactly what it felt like. My stomach knotted and I just felt so ashamed, so embarrassed. I didn't want anyone to know. How could my family be apart of something that was so evil? I kept it hidden for several days just internalizing it. Then, I just needed to share it with someone and my colleague/roommate walked in the room. What she said in response gave me the first hope since reading the news.

"But the work you're doing now [as an abolitionist] is restoring the wrongs your ancestors had done in the past." 

Whoa. Talk about redemption. I instantly remembered one of my favorite passages in scripture: Isaiah 58. If you're passionate about justice, you love this chapter. Verse 12 stood out to me in that moment:

"You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;

And you shall be called the repairer of the breach,

the restorer of streets to dwell in."

It's not about what your family has done in the past. Yes, we suffer from their choices even choices made from many generations back. But the beautiful part of this story is that we can be the ones to change it for the generations that come after us. Let us not look to the past wrongs that have been done, but to the here and now, to the future that will affect us, those around us and our children's children. God loves to restore. His entire plan was based around redemption. And He also desires to use us to redeem the shadows of our past; both from the wrongs we've done, and the wrongs done by our ancestors.

A Tweak in Perception

"Have you ever been in prostitution or committed 'any other criminal offenses?'"

Last night my eyes were opened more to the place I call "home." The place my understanding and perception to the rest of the world was birthed. On the day we celebrate our freedom, our liberation. Now, I don't mean to sound like a typical cliche pessimist, but though we may live in a "physically free" country, there are still so many people mentally trapped with a very slim understanding of freedom for others within our country.

I was helping someone apply for a tourist visa and it started to ask some intense questions, which is understandable. But the way they were presented just irked me some. "Do you plan to work in prostitution while you are here? Have you ever been in prostitution or  committed 'any other criminal offenses?'" Then, the next questions rolled right into "Have you ever trafficked or been involved with trafficking a human?" and then several more regarding human trafficking.

It was as if the two subjects were so separate, as if they didn't collide. So then, hypothetically, if a girl had been trafficked and forced to work as a prostitute she still would have to check that box (alongside "any other criminal offenses") to remain honest. But the black and white answers just unsettled me. How can one come to the "land of the free" when her past choices (whether forced or not) still hover over her? Did Jesus not say that "if the Son makes you free, you are free indeed?" (John 8:36) If Christ makes man/woman free then should we not also see them as free? See them as a "new creation?"

My heart is not just with the injustices of human trafficking but also loving those that people (and whether we like to admit it or not, the church) tend to have a hard time loving. When you're driving and see a lady in a short skirt and high heels walking down say El Cajon blvd. (for those San Diegians), do you think to yourself "oh look, there is a prostitute" or do you think "I wonder what has happened in her life to get her to this place, is she is here by her own choice or is she controlled by someone else exploiting her for gain?" When we hear "I am a victim of human trafficking" our hearts go out to them, but when one says "I'm working as a prostitute" our judgment eyes suddenly go up. Whether we like to admit it or not. Even if it takes a split second to realize this and take them down, naturally we judge them first. I urge you my friends, to work at changing your perspective. To not separate "prostitute" and "human trafficking" so quickly, but to think that the two just might overlap. Now I want to state, of course, that some women do choose this job, but it's usually after having some intense journey that has brought them to that choice.

A major difference living in Amsterdam compared to San Diego is the culture does not quickly judge a woman if she is working in prostitution since it is legal here. Not that I stand for legalized prostitution, but I do see the distinctions in the Dutch perceptions vs. the American. The Dutch police and investigators look past the fact that s/he is working in prostitution and goes straight to the investigation of if s/he is being exploited or not. The sex industry world is so completely gray and we cannot expect black and white answers. I have been feeling slightly uncertain about moving back to America but yesterday, ironically on our Independence Day, I gained a new eagerness to go back with this different perception of the matter and share it with others. I long for the church to naturally love the easily judged. And for the law enforcement to not automatically think that a women is prostituting herself so willingly but to look deeper within the gray areas, in between the lines.

God in a brothel

"He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure."

Christians love traditions.

We don't like to admit it, but it's true. Traditions can be good, it can keep some order to our wild tactics. But sometimes we get caught up in the legalism instead of listening to the still small voice that goes outside the traditional box.

I'm so grateful our ministry leader, Elisabeth, didn't take the easy route that night. You see, we have a mandatory community dinner with our missions organization but it falls on the night we have outreach. She knew it was important to continue being faithful to the ladies behind the windows, but wanted to honor the leadership as well.

It was in December, and there was snow on the ground. We left early because we knew it would hinder us some since we weren't biking. The first shift of women were friendly, but there weren't really any breakthroughs. We walked to the tram and headed to the community dinner. Right as it ended, Elisabeth and another team member, Marleen, walked back (in the snow) to continue doing outreach to the ladies in the windows who work the night shift.

There,  in the hot confines of the brothel room,  they met her. She went by Lucy, although it was not the name her mother had given her. She wanted to know more of this "Jesus" and ended up giving her life to Him right there in a room many consider unclean.

A hard, yet necessary step when working with broken people is walking alongside them, empowering and validating them, rather than dictating how they should live. We loved "Lucy" and walked alongside her. Not too long from that December night she called us and said "I cannot work this job anymore, God doesn't want me to." We cried in joy, she was making her own

 choices, and they were heading towards a life of freedom.

Westernize Christians forget that it's not about making converts, but disciples. We continue to walk alongside them.

Here is the baptism of our beautiful "Lucy":

Vineyard Amsterdam Baptism

Spring 2013

I cannot believe Shine 2013 is right around the corner! I am so beyond blessed to be leading it this year, and so slightly stressed as well. We have accepted 27 students so far and I am still sending out applications. We will be at our limit this year, and its so awesome! Please continue to pray for the Seminar as we will be super busy and I'm sure at times overwhelmed. Pray for students to really grasp the understanding that the solution and focal point to everything we do is Jesus. Always is, always will be.

Something I am so blessed with is a friend of mine with the Mallorca, Spain CCBC invited me to join in with their retreat on the beautiful beach this weekend. No internet or distractions, only Jesus, fellowship, worship, the word, and sun. I am so looking forward to this! I have missed CCBC so much, it will be so nice to study the Word with them again! I am kind of anxious because the dates are so close to Shine, but I really feel God saying to go, and my wonderful team supports me in this too. So I am choosing not to worry and just enjoy Jesus before all the crazy things start to pile on!

I want to share a story that happened a few days ago. I had lunch with some of the ladies from Not For Sale. NFS has a business called Home soup where we go window to window and sell healthy, organic soup to the ladies here in the RLD. NFS also has a program with victims of human trafficking in teaching them how to make the soup that we sell. A couple of them were at the lunch table with us. One of the victims is pregnant. It was her birthday or something and some of the team had gotten her a sweet gift of some lotion and girly smelling things. Her reaction moved my heart greatly. Before she even opened it she started to cry and thank us. The tears started to flow as she held the gifts close to her. She just kept repeating "Thank you, thank you! God bless you!" Her joy and tears were so tender. Naturally, while observing this, emotions began to rise up. Not just joy, warmth, and love for this sweet, sweet woman, but also fury. How could someone harm a beautiful lady like this? I really try to see the best in everyone here. Knowing that the Lord is jealous for each and every one of them. Whether they be clients or pimps. Prostitutes or tourists. Jesus longs for them. But there in that moment humanity really disappointed me. No disappointed doesn't even come close. They disgusted me. I was so appalled. Usually when we hear stories, we try to not dwell on the details, as many times some stories are too overwhelming, resulting in secondary trauma. So because of this, I think sometimes the realization that we humans have fallen SO far hits me like a ton of bricks. It was very intense. Thankfully, the emotion left as quick as it came and I was able to think straight. But did I realize just how much grace we really need to work in this area. Please continue to pray for us, for our team, for our community, for our ministry.

All I hath needed Thy hand hath provided

I absolutely love hymns. They are deep and rich. Nothing watered down or repetitive about them. One of my favorites is "Great is Thy Faithfulness"

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;

There is no shadow of turning with Thee,

Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not,

As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above;

Join with all nature in manifold witness,

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thine own great presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

Obviously, pointing out that my favorite line is stated several times above. I am amazed at God. He called me here to Amsterdam and told me He would provide. I stand here doubtful at times but truly EVERYTHING I have need He has provided. In so many ways too, some though hairdressing, others through wonderful people who support me. He takes care of me. I will never look back and think "oh man, I didn't have much money at all" I will look back and see how I had only 25 yet could pay 50. What's exciting is this is only the very beginning to an incredible life lived for God. I look forward to the things to come.

This never-ending learning circle

2012 brought a lot of insight and life lessons.

I learned how to live a full year in another country.

I learned that when God speaks to us; its important not to interpret it into what we think it means.

I learned that the last 5 years of leading up to living in Amsterdam didn't prepare me for actually living in Amsterdam nor to what the Lord had called of me here.

I learned that Amsterdam was just "my starting place" that I would pioneer here but this is only the beginning to my life and calling.

I learned how to submit to authority even more, and to stand up when I know something is not right.

I learned what it felt like to turn quarter of a century old.

I learned how to open my heart up.

I learned a richer meaning behind the verse "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart..." (Psalms 34:18)

I learned there is a time for following and a time for leading.

I learned that with becoming a leader comes much responsibility.

I learned how to simplify living in the physical, intellectual, and spiritual.

2013 has also brought some insight in just a month.

I learned how important it is to be centered on His Word and truth, on the Scripture and not our interpretation of the Scripture.

I learned the importance of being a promoter of the truth and in teaching it in an expository way.

I learned how much God provided for me in the last year. As I did all my expense reports, I realized how much extra money I had to spend when I couldn't account where it came from.

Of course these things that I have "learned" I have not mastered. But there is grace in my humanity.

I want to leave you with a testimony of God's love and grace. It's a story about a woman here. Lets call her "Tamar." Tamar had always believed in God, but like a common misconception never wanted to pray with us when we would go to the windows because "one cannot pray to God in this place of work." But every week our team said hello and reminded her how much Jesus loves her. Finally, she had had enough and when the gospel was shared one night she gave her life to Christ right there behind the window. When I first heard this I thought, alright, well we'll see how it unfolds. Will anything change in her life? And if so how long will it take? I can fully say I got to see Jesus work through someone's life wholeheartedly and meaningfully. It was nothing we did, it was all because of the Holy Spirit. We gave her a Bible and she was so hungry within a day or so had read through the Old Testament. She loves to read it and she loves to pray! Not two weeks later she made the choice to quit working as a prostitute. She knew it was wrong and had had enough, she just couldn't do it anymore. A few days later she had some of our team over to her house for dinner. This is when I got to actually meet her, and oh she is so precious. From her actions that unfolded this past month I know without a doubt her conversion was so sweet and sincere. Yesterday she joined in at my wonderful church here and I got to talk deeper with her. She said whenever she reads the Word of God she just weeps, and can't stop. I told her the difference between Judas feeling regret and Peter repenting was the tears Peter wept bitterly. Tears are a great thing. The incredible thing, is she is understanding things because the Holy Spirit speaks to her. She is hungry and can't get enough of the Word. She truly wants to live a pure life for the Lord and has such a healthy understanding of right and wrong and is learning grace, it's inspiring and beautiful. Jesus is so wonderful and I am so thankful to be here.

A few things you can pray for:

-It looks like I got accepted for my visa for the next year (PTL right?!) but have to pay for it at the end of the month, please pray that God would provide.

-This year holds some awesome but scary leadership roles for me, including leading the Shine Seminar in April, please pray for wisdom and grace.

-My 2 year commitment ends with YWAM Amsterdam in December, but I want to really know what His next plan is for me. Whether I stay here or move somewhere else, please pray for wisdom in that decision (yes I know its 11 months away but its something I want to start preparing for early).

-I really don't like bringing up finances, and God truly has provided for my every need so far, but there have been some ministry trips and outreaches I haven't been able to do, due to lack of finances, that I really wanted to be apart of last year. This request is ONLY if the Lord has been putting it on your heart to support me not only by praying for me but financially as well. If so you can click the "donate" button to the right, or email me Katybestill@gmail.com if you would like to get a tax write off through supporting me.

Thank you to my constant prayer supporters, it makes the biggest difference here because of you!

Shine // Latvia // Germany

Well, it is decided. I am the official Shine Seminar 2013 Leader. I couldn't be more thrilled and terrified at the same time. For those of you who do not know, Shine is our 6 week course on the global sex trade and how we as Christians can response. It's pretty much a training for those who are interested in working with those in prostitution or have been trafficked. Modern day slavery still exists, and it's closer than we realize. We just want to play a small part in working to end it. This will be our 3rd year doing this seminar. We really have a desire to take it from Amsterdam and bring it all over the world. My life is about to get even more busy, but I am so excited. If you are interested in partaking in Shine email me at Shine@ywam.nl and I will send you an application (that I just spent several hours creating mind you :) The dates are April 18th to June 3rd.

And going to the next topic, Latvia was really amazing. We have a sister ministry in Riga, called Freedom 61. They are a small team that reaches out to the street ladies there who are working in prostitution. Almost all of them are addicted to drugs. They also do prevention work in schools and orphanages as Latvia is considered a Source country. In regards to trafficking humans, you have 3 different types of countries:

1: Source Countries: from which people are trafficked out of

2: Transit Countries: a temporary stop, momentary exchange

3: Destination Countries: where the victims end up (Amsterdam is considered a Destination Country)

So prevention work is pretty important in these Source Countries. But while we (myself and the 3 lovely volunteers we have had here in Amsterdam for 3 months from IHOP) were there, we taught about intercession, interceded, as well as did some outreach to the ladies. I brought my scissors with me and did some haircuts. It was awesome to be able to use a physical skill the Lord has given me. It even brought in some ladies who have never come into their cafe before. Oh to explain, they have a cozy room in the middle of the "Red Light District" there, where they offer a warm place for the girls to sit, have some coffee & tea or soup or just a conversation. Or while I was there, a haircut. It snowed while we were there so someplace warm is nice. The last client I had, had never come into their cafe before. And while I was running my hands through her hair, she opened up about her life story. How she had been trafficked and bought and sold. They got to build a relationship with her, and I pray it grows. The cafe was also where many would meet in the underground Church during the Soviet Union. So amazing!

Doing work!

The team that went to Latvia

Part of Freedom 61

Traditional Latvian Food!

Lastly, my colleague and I went to Germany to teach at a DTS on Justice. I was SO stressed out, but guess what? Everything came together and worked out! My friend and I split the week in half and really tagged teamed all there is about Justice and the Word of God. It was a wonderful experience. Got to see some old friends, meet some new ones, pray for the students, showed Nefarious, and taught from the Word of God. Oh and Köln is such a beautiful city. We spent one afternoon checking out the Love Lock Bridge (Hohenzollern Bridge) the old Cathedral (Dom) and eating really delicious German cake. There are never any complaints when it comes to German cake. But truly, it was an awesome week.

Els and I on the train to Köln

Seeing Rahel at the train station!

Hohenzollern Bridge

                                                                                 The Dom Cathedral

                                     
Oh! And so I just ended up taking my severely broken bike to my Croatian bike fixing buddies and just told them I will spent the large cost in replacing the parts. He called me a few days later saying that he could not replace the parts (because its such an old bike and hard to find them) but he somehow fixed the problem and only charged me 25€! It was such a relief and a blessing. I am SO thankful to have a bike again!

On the train to and from.

I had the privilege of teaching with my colleague in Köln, Germany for this past week on the topic of Justice. When I found out I would be speaking, it got me excited, because I knew that in the midst of my studies I would gain much knowledge as well. We broke the week up and my topic would be "The Biblical Foundation of Justice." If anyone knows me they know how much I love scripture. I love to study the Word of God. I love to decipher every single word and compare it with other verses. I became quite frustrated because I was opening up a can that would take me months if not years to study. But I had only a certain amount of time and I had to come up with something. Many days my attempts to start my notes wouldn't even begin because I would get so caught up in what I was learning.  But I got most of what I wanted to say onto paper and the week went pretty smooth. What I did get out of this teaching though was Jesus's heart for injustice. I don't work in these issues because its the "next cool thing to do," I work with them because thats what Jesus did. And I long to lead a life after His. The first recording of Jesus speaking publicly; He proclaims Isaiah 61:1 and part of 2. That is His heart, that was His mission. My mission is to point others to that place of being justified before Christ. I don't just want to see broken men and women set free physically, I want to see them set free spiritually. Working with justice issues is much bigger than seeking to abolish human trafficking, its seeking to see one justified before the Righteous Judge. When we reach out to these girls its not just seeing that they are taken care of physically but longing to see they are taken care of spiritually as well. It's easy to get so caught up in our physical work and forget the heart behind it, forget Whose heart is behind it.

Also I want to really make it a point to say that I don't do any of this work for myself. Truly, I don't. It doesn't make me feel better for "doing good" nor do I take my identity in my work. I love because He loved me first. I can love only because He first loved me, and the reason why I love is because He first love me. Anything I do is for God, not to please myself or make me feel better.

On a side note, me and a few others from our team is going to Latvia on Tuesday til Saturday to visit and encourage our sister ministry, Freedom 61. I look forward to this and so do my scissors and comb. Latvia is a very interesting place, I would truly welcome your prayers. And my life in Amsterdam is still up and running. Always busy. I really do love this city.

Some practical things you can be praying for:

I recently reapplied for my visa, so pray that I can afford the fee and that it gets approved.

And my bike seems to be completely dead, and I need another one greatly, but finding a reliable, working one that is my size and in my price range has been more difficult that I thought it would.

I think that is it for now, thank you to everyone who does hold me up in prayer, it is so greatly appreciated.

Back to the heart of the city

Well, I had a wonderful, interesting, growing, painful time back in America. But gold has got to go through fire to be refined. I got to go home (San Diego) for a month. To be honest it was such a emotionally intense time that I haven't been able to really write about it yet, for I have spent this week contemplating it. But when am I not contemplating life? haha. It was so wonderful to see my family and friends. My little nieces and nephew are getting so big and so beautiful it hurts, literally. That was something I understood about serving the Lord abroad, it comes with sacrifice. I have to sacrifice being apart of watching my sweet young family grow up. I know it will be worth it, but for now it's hard. So I got as many hugs and kisses in as I could. They truly warm my heart. It was also wonderful because my mom and best friend threw me a Birthday party and it was perfect. I had a slight fear of turning 25 but I now feel like this new season it brings me is going to be a great one. I have such incredible family and friends, truly I am amazing at how blessed I am. The difficult time has definitely happened for good but it was still hard to live through. I experienced so many emotions at once it was almost too much to handle. The overwhelming understanding that I was leaving home again, the fear that came with turning 25, the realness of the work I was getting back into, the memory of the spiritual atmosphere of Amsterdam, getting my heart broken, leaving my sweet little ones to grow another year without me there... just so many extreme emotions showered over me at once and it was hard to trust the Lord's plan. But it's those moments when you experience just how wonderful your parents, friends and family are. They love you and pray for you and let you lean upon them when you can't walk on your own. I needed them and they were there for me. I also realized how much I needed Jesus. I couldn't survive without Him. It had been a long while since I had experienced that, and it was crucial for me so that I could put an end to this old season of my life and move into my new one. I have longed for this old season of walking in the wilderness to be behind me and I am so joyful that there is now so much light in my once cloudy sky. After crying my heart out for a few days I had a wonderful, intimate moment with God. He spoke so clearly about personal things I needed to hear and I have not wept since that Wednesday morning. I know I have a beautiful road ahead of me, not only in my Amsterdam season but the season that comes after. I am so thankful I have a God who loves me and cares for me and guides me when I am walking blindly.

This past week has also picked up where I left off with ministry. The girls still remember me and that warms my heart. "Deborah" is supposed to come over to our place tonight for coffee, I look forward to continuing our friendship. Please continue to pray for her, God truly is reaching out to her and I am desiring to be His hands and feet. I also am preparing a teaching for a DTS in Köln, Germany which I will be speaking with my colleague Elisabeth. I am nervous yet excited. I have no idea how to teach about "The Biblical Foundation of Justice" however it's slowly coming to me and the bit that I have so far has been an encouraging learning experience for me already so I hope it will be for them too.

Red Lights Keep on Burning

Why is it the moment I feel inspired to write I have to work in 12 mins? Let's try using these fingers for some fast typing. Tonight I went out with Not For Sale on our weekly "Soup selling" They have a business here that makes homemade, healthy, organic soups and sells to the ladies behind the windows. This has been a great way to continue building relationships with the girls. Because I live in the center of the Red Light District, I get so used to seeing such unnatural things. It starts to become normal. Like for instance, my colleague and I were talking to a girl in the windows. She had just gotten back from vacation and we were chatting about that. She put her usual order in for soup and behind us a man boldly approaches (it's amazing how in this place its not just tolerated but honored for men to buy sex publicly, even their friends support and cheer them on gladly) and asks how much for her service. She jokes around a little but then says "no seriously, its 50€" he says "Alright" throws down his cigarette and moves to step into her room. It was so casual. Just like he had asked her how much a haircut would be or something. I realized how used to that kind of talk I was, I mean I hear it everyday. But tonight it's like my eyes remembered how unnormal this sort of transaction is. Just because you witness it over and over doesn't make it right or civil. I travel home for a month next week and I think it's coming at a perfect time. My roommate/colleague went home to Norway a couple weeks ago. She said it was so interesting driving in a beautiful place where sin and tolerance isn't plastered in every window or in every alley. I know I will be yearning to come back here but truth be told, I am ready for a break.

So my fingers didn't type fast enough, now I am finishing this post the next day. Last night I also walked by a girl's window who i have really good contact with. We will call her Deborah. She and I went for coffee weeks ago and was eager to hear the gospel. We have tried to meet up since but she kept canceling (which is normal) but tonight she was eager to talk and opened up as to why she has been canceling and I was just reminded how amazing and kind she is. She wasn't canceling for her sake, no, she was canceling for mine because she had been going through some heavy things and felt like she "wouldn't be good company." I almost started to cry, i reached out to take her hand and told her how she would NEVER have to worry about that. That I would always love to visit with her no matter how she feels or what she is going through. I also reminded her how much God loves her, and how, contrary to popular belief God's presence is with her, even in the windows. He does not flee from evil, evil flees from Him. It's those moments of being able to love on a girl here who doesn't get much proper love and more often pushes true love away makes living here in this wretched city so worth it.

Another awesome thing that happened on Wednesday, we were bringing coffee and tea to the ladies and one of the girls was sitting down in her room with the curtain closed (most of the windows are connected so you walk into one and see the other) her foot had a horrible cramp and she couldn't stand. My spanish speaking colleague asked if we could pray for her. In the middle of praying she started to almost laugh, when we finished she said the pain was completely gone. The Lord loves these ladies so much, and we just want to help them see that.

Yours is the Kingdom

The last two days have been simply powerful and I felt the need to blog them. Last night we had a showing of Nefarious: Merchant of Souls (you can go here for the trailer: http://youtu.be/Q-VC8AUE3Bc) and two ex prostitutes who were interviewed in the movie were there. One of the ladies  hadn't seen the movie before, so you can imagine there were many tears shed. I had watched the movie a few weeks ago with my team, but watching it last night with a larger crowd and the two ladies really moved me. To hear of the work Jesus has done in people is one thing but to see the experience on their faces and hear their stories right in front of you is just incredible. My heart is beginning to burn more for seeing broken people transformed in the sex industry. I was looking for that passion to arise in me again.

The group right before the film.

Real Talk

Oh goodness. You know for 5 years I prepared moving to Amsterdam. That was all my life lead up to. Then the Lord spoke to me that this was going to be a "starting place" for me and that He had other plans for me elsewhere. That sure took me for a turn. I had put so much emphasis on living my life here. Now that I am here things are not what I imagined either. I thought it was just recently, but as I read my journal from last year I realized I am experiencing the same things I did then. I was told about this "spiritual heaviness/stronghold" on the city but shrugged it off because I usually am not effected by such things. But as I started my life out here I knew I needed to research more on the matter.
Five years ago when I did my DTS here I was in pure heaven. This city was truly my tabernacle; the place I felt the closest to God. But now its the place I feel the most distant. I don't feel like myself, I feel like my spiritual gifts are on the back burner, I have no desire to draw closer to the Lord, or study the word, or pray, or any motivation to move forward in the things He has called me to do here. It is so completely insane. I knew it would be hard but I didn't expect this at all, really AT ALL. It's like I have to go against everything I feel and every emotion to just live obediently. Had it not been so clear to me that I was supposed to be here for the next season of my life I would have gone home. And thats real talk right there. But I am stubborn and will not give up, especially since I know God has promised me that great things will happen here. But I am emotionally and spiritually drained. Something has to change I am just not sure how.
Something that has also been heavy is when I walk outside my door I am surrounded by the most vulgar, crude pigs/men. It is exhausting. Its like all your eyes can see are these men craving and drooling over women and drugs and alcohol. It is so hard to remind yourself that there are good men out there in the world when all you see are the worst of them. It's becoming harder and hard for me to love them, but I am trying.
But today I was encouraged in an unexpected way. I was cutting hair for a family downstairs and their kids were watched Veggie Tales. The story of Esther was on and it nearly brought me to tears. It reminded me that God uses who we are to do great things. He uses our weaknesses to prove His strength. When the Lord truly shows up in this city it will be no doubt that all glory will go to Him and not me, because I am so incapable of doing such great work on my own.
That's not to say it isn't hard. I want to be honest about the emotional and spiritual setbacks I am going through, so you can keep me in prayer. Not only am I an almost 25 year old missionary living in the heart of one of the darkest cities but I am human, going through human worries, distractions, anxieties, crushes, heartbreaks, loneliness, but also some good things too. When I was a kid I would separate missionaries from normal humans, now I realize just how human I am once I am living on the mission field. I am not even close to being qualified to work here, but God is, and with Him on my side how can I go wrong? I really need to press through and persevere during this time in the wilderness. And to be honest, I realized today that I may never come out of the wilderness while I am here in Amsterdam but until I know my work here is done I will stay and I will choose to focus on the joy of the Lord.

Letting go

I always feel like I need to come up with something very profound to update my blog with. Or I just tell myself no one really reads this so just update later. But I realized I don't need to write anything intense nor do I need people to read what I write, I just need to get more into the practice of expressing my life and thoughts here in Amsterdam or where I am living at the moment, which is by the way, in a new apartment in the Red Light District with 2 amazing ladies =)

God is definitely doing a lot of work around me, although my incompetent eyes cannot see this most of the time. But I know in my heart and soul that glorious work is being done. There have been a lot of revelations that I've received. The kind that are right there in front of you for a while and when you finally realize them they bring tears to your eyes. One of these big "ah ha" moments was when I finally realized I didn't have to work hard at making what God called me to do here come to pass. I mean; God the one who called me to Amsterdam, He is the one who told me what He had planned for me here, so why was I striving to perfect that plan He already had drawn the blue prints up for? It doesn't make any sense, yet I was working so hard to see this calling through. A few months ago I was having such a sweet Skype talk with my dad and I told him how I felt like I was doing nothing towards my goal here, that I felt I needed to be teaching prostitues how to do hair and because I wasn't doing that I felt so worthless. He just simply stated "Katy maybe teaching the ladies how to do hair is just the cherry on top, maybe it won't be your main ministry there but just a small part." That kind of shook me a bit but lead me to the realization that the one thing God called me to do here was "to pioneer a Tamar Center in Amsterdam." When He told me this (in 2008) the ministry I am now working with wouldn't have even been close to pioneering such a thing, but God knew. These last couple weeks we have been meeting and praying as a Lighthouse Team for vision and how to move forward in that vision. Last week it hit me. The Tamar Center is a place "offering hope, healing and a new life to the bar girls in Pattaya, Thailand." So basically what God called me to do here is pioneer a place that offeres hope, healing and a new life to broken women in Amsterdam. Here I was striving for the last 7 months especially on how to achieve this goal, yet God just showed me that is exactly what we are doing now. Me and my team of 6 others are in the "pioneering-transition" stage of building up The Lighthouse; a place that longs to see these broken women healed and set free. All this time I knew thats what we are doing yet, embarrassingly enough I never compared the two. What a weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. It wasn't that God was telling me that that was what I had to do, it was as if He was prophesying it over my life. Anything else that happens here will just be an added bonus. Which leads me to my next topic.

My wonderful friend Saskia and I met last year during Shine. She pioneered/worked as the director of Not For Sale in South Africa for 3 years prior. When I began talking to her my soul started to leap, I knew we would have a connected future. Last night we cut each other's hair (oh did I mention she is also a hairdresser?) and then went out to dinner. We talk for hours about our hearts and desires for Amsterdam and they are so simultaneous. She is a half YWAM-er half NFS-er which is just perfect. She really longs to just see Jesus transform the lost and broken here and simply wants to be apart of that. We both know that God is doing work and is about to pour out some amazing blessing and restoration here, and we're stoked for it to come to pass. She suggested we get together this week and just pray and ask God what He wants us, as individuals, to do and how He wants us to do it. Then act on that. No holding back anymore, but really just begin to take that step of faith and watch what God will do. As you can probably tell, I am really excited. I know I am a hairdresser, and I know God loves to work in our natural giftings, so I look forward to seeing how He will do the things He longs to do.

Whenever I have been praying about things happening here I keep getting a picture... and maybe it can help you to understand that we (usually as Americans) think "this is what I am going to do, I will move out there and it will all fall into place and everything will be great and everything will start working immediately." Missions is NEVER like that, especially pioneering a ministry. Expect God to do great things but don't expect it to all happen smoothly or quickly, it is a slow and patient-teaching process. The picture I have is of a roller coaster; you start to climb uphill very slowly, bit by bit. Then finally after the ascent, you drop down the slope extremely fast and you can't slow down. I really feel like that will be a image of my time here. Right now I am climbing up, and I truly feel like I am getting very close to the top, then once I am finally there it is a fast ride down. I look forward to it, and I am thankful God is preparing me now as I slowly inch my way to the top.

Prayer:

-There is a true "Spirit of busyness" here and I am feeling it like no other, please pray it calms down some. And when I mean busy, its mostly things not having to do with the ministry but just added on to the everyday life, it just keeps coming in wave after wave.

-My mom comes out to visit in a week, pray for safe travels, and also that her time here would be super slow so it would be like a month and not a short week =)

-For me to continue with a joyful heart, learning patience and balance is not coming very easy to me.

-God has been providing everything I have needed, whether it means having $3 left in my account for the rest of the month, or getting a bill a month or two later than I should or just having to wait longer for things like furniture for my room it all works out. Maybe not in anyway I had planned but He really is taking care of me. I am not sure if its good to be soo dependent on Him and be content with what He has given me or to also ask for people to pray and see if God puts it on your heart to provide for me as I am here in Amsterdam. So I will leave it at both. God is meeting my needs but there is not quite flexibility to soar here yet.

Expectations

I realized how stressed I have been feeling with so many expectations over my head. and yes I am very aware of the fact that I placed them there.
5 years ago I came to Amsterdam for the first time to do a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with YWAM. I fell in love with the city but more than that I knew I would be calling it home one day too. A year later while working in a salon to save up money for Bible College I heard the Lord tell me to "pioneer a Tamar Center in Amsterdam" [ www.tamarcenter.org/ ] When I heard this I became excited, I knew that they were a ministry in Thailand that teaches ladies coming out of prostitution new careers, one of them being hair. I thought that was my calling, that's it. I am moving to Amsterdam very soon and will live there the rest of my life and teach all these girls how to do hair. Well, obviously I jumped the gun a wee bit early.
After my first semester of Bible College at Calvary Chapel Murrieta, I downloaded the application to volunteer with the Tamar Center. I figured I would go work with them a while then head off to Amsterdam. But God told me to not only finish Bible College but to finish well (something that was incredible to remember as my time in Bible College came to an end but thats a different story). So I continued with that and completed it in Spring 2010. In Fall of that year I volunteered at the Coffee House in Murrieta at the Bible College for a semester. Within a week of being there I was awoken very early one morning with the notion that God wanted to speak to me. I made some coffee and went out on my beautiful balcony that overlooked all of Temecula and prayed as the sun came up. God told me three things; go to Amsterdam, go in January and work with The Lighthouse. Also, two weeks later, during my devotions He told me out of the blue that Amsterdam would be my "starting place" that I would begin there but come back to America after a few years. I obeyed and as the semester came to an end I was ready to go.
January 28th 2011 I was on a plane back to Amsterdam after being away for 4 years. I decided to stay on a 3 month visa and come back to San Diego to work over the summer and be home for two of my best friends' weddings and see my nephew, Ethan come into the world. But those 3 months were life changing. I was appart of our 6 week seminar called Shine (the global sex trade and a Christian response) and it totally rocked my world. My eyes were opened to so many things, from the fact that we are not here to "rescue" the girls but to empower them, to prophetic words spoken/prayed over each of us. God clarified a few things with me that day, that God was definitely appart of my dream here and that He would provide people and funds to see this through, that this was in fact my starting place and I would be here a few years then go back to America to do other things, like teach, train, advocate, inform, lead, work with legislation, ect. But first to be focused here.
December 1st 2011 I was back on a plane with a one way ticket this time. I half expected to take things slow, half expected to see a huge thunder and lightning change right away. Naturally, since God loves to work organically, things have been slow right now. It's been 6 months since I have moved here. In those 6 months I have applied for a visa, moved 3 times, applied for insurance, opened a Dutch bank account, registered with the city, and staffed our second Shine. Although I have been extremely busy I had not put into consideration that moving takes so much time and money, especially when you move to another country where all your official paperwork is in Dutch and takes time and is done a completely different way than your used to and the currency is more expensive that your currency back home. So money given to you is automatically cut by 30%. I have had to trust God for EVERYTHING, literally everything. and it's not easy or fun most of the time. I have been ridiculously busy, been behind on many things and all this while also being a full time staff member for Shine, which means your busy ALL THE TIME. God has done some incredible things but I can't take any credit for anything. I am in awe of Him all the time. During this season of Shine I was prayed over again, and was told again some things God has  in store for me. Through that time I learned an extremely valuable lesson; when God tells you something don't try to interpret it. I thought things would be so different that they are now, but instead of being discouraged by it I have decided to "ride out the wave." To let God do as He pleases and not be discouraged when He doesn't do things the way I had anticipated. Yes I want to teach prostitutes how to do hair, yes I want to start some form of business or ministry here, yes I want to see it all happen by the end of the year. But all these things need to happen in God's timing, not mine, and done the way He wants, not the way I want to do them. So I am officially letting go. "A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." I will keep these plans of mine close to my heart but not expect things to come out the exact way I want. To let God have His beautiful, perfect, unfathomable way with my life. I will continue to be in Amsterdam until God calls me back to San Diego (which I feel will be in the not so far future) and just walk where He leads, no expectation as to how everything will go. I am excited to see what He does.

Train to Germany, Plane to Latvia

We head out for our last week of lectures/outreach in Riga, Latvia. Should be a great week with great friends and an amazing speaker. I'll have a good picture post when I get back to Amsterdam.

Pray for us
Pray for safe travels, and SMOOTH travels
Pray for open us to have open eyes, and others to have open hearts

Shine has begun

Oh my goodness, these last weeks have been so busy yet SO good. We started our 6 week seminar on the global sex trade and a Christian response. So far we've had some great speakers but the information is definitely quite heavy. A lot of the students are having a difficult time learning how to process these things. Keep them and us in prayer please. Next week we have an amazing woman speaking on Biblical Justice so that should be encouraging. We have a good group of people here eager to learn, I'm enjoying getting to know them.

We have an outreach/teaching in Latvia in a few weeks, so please pray for that, we are hoping to get a really great deal on tickets tomorrow. I know I don't know where exactly the money will come in, but I know that if I'm to go, I'll go.

I am really enjoying the beauty of this city. Yes there is a heaviness of sin, but God is a restorer. I am looking forward to being apart of this restoration in the future.

a photo of our staff and students!

I am so embarrassed

I can't believe I let 2 months go by without updating this blog! These last 2 months have been busy but so sweet. We (my small team) have been preparing for (and just begun) our 6 week seminar called Shine. Its about the global sex trade and a Christian response to it. 6 weeks of several amazing speakings imparting to us their wisdom and experience. 5 weeks held here in the Red Light District of Amsterdam and 1 week in Riga, Latvia with our sister ministry, Freedom 61. Last year Shine opened my eyes and truly changed and shaped me into the woman I needed to become to take the next few steps in this ministry, so naturally I am SOO excited to see what the Lord does with our amazing students.

God is so sweet and gentle. He truly has been providing my needs. As a little girl I remember my dad teaching me the differences of needs and wants. I've sacrificially given up most of my wants yet I haven't really been in want since doing so. Being here away from family and friends, in a whole new country, with so many different languages, only having the money God gives me... its quite hard for some one who isn't spontaneous, who loves all her ducks to be in a row, and loves to have everything organized and planned and be on top of her game. But God is showing Himself powerful through my inadequacy.

Last week my team and I listened to a message from Benjamin Nolot, the founder of Exodus Cry. It was amazing, he spoke about Moses, the first abolitionist, and how God brought Moses into the desert for 40 years to humble him if you will. Moses was inadequate and thats where God needed him to be to work through Him. I am nothing, but God is huge and nothing is impossible with Him. Whatever calling He has for me here He will make sure it comes to pass, all I am doing is saying "yes".

 Prayer
-Students as they encounter some heavy issues during Shine
-Us, the staff to be well rested and well prepared
-To be thinking ahead, after Shine is complete the Lighthouse staff will have a few weeks of praying and fasting to decide what ministries He wants to start with The Lighthouse. I am excited to see what He says about the ministry I came here to pioneer.

O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go

Being away from home without a purpose makes for much discouragement. However, in this last few weeks I feel like my purpose for moving here is finally beginning to show in my work. It makes me feel more at peace, like I am not doing something simply because I am supposed to but because I am called to. I am now feeling that there is reason and evidence behind my actions and that leads me to feel as if I belong here. Doors have been opening, but before I get to that I want to talk about my first Christmas and New Years away from home.

Christmas was simply amazing. I had brunch with my good New Zealand friends, Jasmine and Rick Smith, who I met at my beautifully intimate new Church. And when I say brunch I mean homemade delicious eggs benedict and homemade mulled wine.

I relaxed and enjoyed the fellowship until dinnertime where I moved onto my next course and family, The Freylings. Desi and Lisa are from Canada and I work with them in The Lighthouse. They have two beautiful kids who are full of life, Shayla (4) and Nicolai (2). Desi is a fantastic cook and made a complete "North American dinner." It was truly the best I have ever had. We then watched my favorite Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life" with Nico and Shayla on my lap, it was perfect.

When I got home I skyped with my parents, brother, sister in law, two nieces and nephew back home. They were opening up presents and I was so thankful I got to be apart of that via Skype.

For New Years my Dutch friend, Lysette, was in town from Latvia (she moved there to work with prostitutes, human trafficking and prevention.) We support each other in our ministries and have a great connection. She came to Amsterdam were we got dinner on the Zeedik and drinks at a really rustic, chill cafe. Then made our way to Dam Square where thousands of others from all over the world joined together in lighting fireworks and fellowship. Fireworks are legal here so my "fireworks should be illegal view" was slightly stressed as they were going off all hours of the night in every nook and cranny of the city. But I was glad I got to experience my first Dutch New Years.

In between Christmas and New Years I, and a small team from the base, set out to Germany to take part in a huge European Missions Conference. It was quite the experience. Sleeping on a mat in a huge hall with about a thousand other girls, representing Amsterdam to everyone we spoke to, and my favorite part; speaking to about 150 people about Human Trafficking. Within the conference they had "workshops" you could do everyday. One of them was on human trafficking. Me and two others who are staffing Shine were looking forward to attending this class. But the night before we were asked by the girl who was putting together all the Seminars if we knew anyone who has knowledge on human trafficking and could conduct the class because the original teacher was sick and could not make it. We met together and had an outline within an hour about what to speak and how to present it. It was amazing! We went there to promote Shine and God brought 150 people (out of 2600) that were interested in this topic. We got to educate and connect people. It was so incredible, truly nothing we did on our own but through God.

When January started it was Shine full force. We have been working together to really make this seminar incredible. For those who don't know, Shine is a 6 week seminar held in Amsterdam based on "the global sex trade and a Christian response." Its for those who have a heart to work in this type of ministry, we provide education and practical application. It truly changed my life and I look forward to seeing others changed by it too.

The last update I want to add is I met with Toos Heemskerk yesterday. She was the director of The Scarlet Cord, a ministry that not only visits the ladies in the windows but offers professional help in counseling, training and leaving prostitution, for 15 years. She is now the director of Not For Sale Amsterdam. Not only have I wanted to work next to her but also partner with NFS. She is renting our building and doing the work out of The Lighthouse. I explained to her my idea for a hairdressing project and she was on board. She thought it was a great idea with actual potential and we talked about partnering up together to support one another. 

I realized that I am here in Amsterdam for a greater purpose than I could ever imagine and God is going to bring the right people, the right connections, and the funds to truly make the Red Light District of Amsterdam a renewed place. I am so excited that He asked me to be apart of it.